Weird Series of Text Messages

OK, so I just got a series of texts. Apparently, a guy named David had my phone before me because I continue to get calls for him. I received a text from a number unknown to me while minding my business at work. Here's how it went:


Texter: Hey man... Wish u were here feeding me some dick and cum...How u been?

Me (thinking a friend might be messing with me): Lol. Good. New phone. Who is this? New phone.

Texter: Fukstik in lewisville

Me: Ok that doesn't mean anything

Texter: [picture message of an old dude dressed up in a Confederate Civil War costume... with no trousers, just the top, junk a flyin' everywhere] Does this help, lol...

Me: Dude. Seriously?

Texter: Man, I got our dicks in a pic for my profile page on squirt...U don't remember me? Lol.

Me: Dude, you MUST have the wrong number. But me and my co-workers surely enjoyed that. Nice job, General Lee.

*** END OF TEXTS ***


It's true. I really wish I were making this shit up. But thank you Confederate Soldier boy named Fukstik for brightening my otherwise sad day.